When I came across this photo on a hard drive my heart leaped. I don’t remember ever seeing it before. Looking at that tiny infant on me I suddenly distinctly remembered how new everything was at the beginning. For a week or so breast feeding was the most difficult task in the world. I was feeding her every 3-4 hours and even waking her in the middle of the night so that she would eat and hopefully gain weight. My poor nipples were so sore and she was so hungry. Eek! I would try to sleep when she did like I had been advised but some times I just couldn’t and would end staying awake washing cloth wipes, tidying up the cottage or just watching her sleep. maiki and I were already looking at pictures of her while she was sleeping even then and talking about how we could not believe that we were parents and they just let us take her home from the hospital like it was no big thing. It was such a weird time (no clear division between days anymore) and we were blissed out and sleep deprived. I was so thankful that I didn’t have to go back to work for a while and could just get used to my new job of being a mother. Now I wished that my weeks at home were more like months at home to bond, but its always cut short.
One time maiki got the flu. He felt so bad because Emma was so new and I was left to take care of her by myself. I managed somehow but then almost like an alarm went off suddenly he felt better and I was the one who could barely hold her for being so ill. I had a high fever and still breast fed so that she would get the antibodies to avoid the flu that we had. It was the strangest moment of my life and I just hoped and prayed that I recovered quickly. Those were the days when I most appreciated food being delivered to my door. We had been gifted a fancy meal delivery service and ate better those nights than if I was cooking dinner. And we always had dessert. The desserts were the best part and I daydreamed that we had the funds to keep the dessert delivery going for ever. Those were the days-chocolate cheesecake and baby snuggles. ^_^
Hi there! I am on my second week of being a stay-at-home mom. Yup, plans changed and as maiki always says, “you may reserve the right to freak out at any time” and I did. So, here I am post freak-out. I decided that being away from Emma Clover was really not a good idea for me anymore and we are following through with that. Luckily I just completed my tax return and maiki has lots of work so that helps. As for me and Clover being together all the time it is positively wonderful and the result of spending so much time apart means that we appreciate our days together very much.
What I have learned so far:
I have found that buying coffee beans rather than one cup at a time saves me lots of money. I know this may seem obvious but I have treated myself for working by going and getting coffee and now I don’t need to do that.
Emma is still messy even when I am here to pick up after her all day and night. She is only sixteen months so she cleans as well as a sixteen month old can. And I have to let my space be a mess.
I like to shop. Its a dumb habit but I am trying to quit the urge to buy things every time I leave the house and not going to get a coffee means that I want to get something else. I am really trying hard not to do that. Instead I spend $15 dollars a time at the grocery store since I can literally go every day. It is nice to have the freedom but like I said its addictive.
I had a routine and now its quite loose. Emma and I wake up, eat, go out, eat, she naps, eat, play, eat and it continues until bedtime. However I need to prioritize showering or I can go for three days and realize that I feel yucky and miss bathing on a regular basis. This is important stuff!
Emma likes to be with me but also do her own thing. We read, color, play with blocks, explore outside, the park and the library. As a preschool teacher I look for teachable moments all the time and being with Emma means that I have this opportunity always with my own child. Its so exciting and I look forward to the person that she is becoming.
I am also looking forward to free museum days coming up and although she may be young its an outing that we will all go to as a family. Also maiki and I are planning a date to Samovar in Yerba Buena gardens on that day so its a date!
Our baby is now 2 weeks old. She is growing and getting stronger every day. I am very much enjoying our time together even though I sometimes feel like a bit of a zombie. Anyone who has cared for an infant knows that sleep is the one part of your life that gets thrown out the window. I try to nap but its hard for me to settle down during the day. Generally I crash between ten and eleven and sleep anywhere from thirty minute to three hour blocks until I feel rested enough to stay awake while Emma sleeps. Time and dates are a blur. Lucky for me maiki has been on call for Emma until he falls into bed around four a.m. I still feed her every two to three hours but its nice to have him do everything else.
I have been able to breast feed her and finally feel like we are finding our rhythm and my nipples are toughening up. Many people have told me that they tried it and were not successful. Despite the initial pain, I have strong feelings about feeding her this way so I have pushed through. I have not had any major hurdles so far and am hoping that it just gets easier from here on out. There are moments when I realize that Emma is completely dependent upon me for survival in every sense. Its scary in the early days when you struggle to find balance and regain your own health so that you can give it all to your child. I wouldn’t do anything differently but it can really stress new moms out! I have found that breast feeding sure is convenient when we are out and about. I have not felt shy about feeding her in public. Finding appropriate clothing to nurse in has been a bigger concern of mine.
I have a new respect for mothers that I could only have by becoming one myself. I have a new fear of earthquakes too. Soon I will have to share Emma’s birth story. There were two earthquakes the day she was born and there have been at least two since she was born. You know that site the Burning House? I have two things on my list and nothing else compares. If maiki and Emma are with me then I am okay.