being a new mom

Our baby is now 2 weeks old. She is growing and getting stronger every day. I am very much enjoying our time together even though I sometimes feel like a bit of a zombie. Anyone who has cared for an infant knows that sleep is the one part of your life that gets thrown out the window. I try to nap but its hard for me to settle down during the day. Generally I crash between ten and eleven and sleep anywhere from thirty minute to three hour blocks until I feel rested enough to stay awake while Emma sleeps. Time and dates are a blur. Lucky for me maiki has been on call for Emma until he falls into bed around four a.m. I still feed her every two to three hours but its nice to have him do everything else.

I have been able to breast feed her and finally feel like we are finding our rhythm and my nipples are toughening up. Many people have told me that they tried it and were not successful. Despite the initial pain, I have strong feelings about feeding her this way so I have pushed through. I have not had any major hurdles so far and am hoping that it just gets easier from here on out. There are moments when I realize that Emma is completely dependent upon me for survival in every sense. Its scary in the early days when you struggle to find balance and regain your own health so that you can give it all to your child. I wouldn’t do anything differently but it can really stress new moms out! I have found that breast feeding sure is convenient when we are out and about. I have not felt shy about feeding her in public. Finding appropriate clothing to nurse in has been a bigger concern of mine.

I have a new respect for mothers that I could only have by becoming one myself. I have a new fear of earthquakes too. Soon I will have to share Emma’s birth story. There were two earthquakes the day she was born and there have been at least two since she was born. You know that site the Burning House? I have two things on my list and nothing else compares. If maiki and Emma are with me then I am okay.

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